There is no greater distance than that of the gap between what I know in my head and what I believe in my heart.
People aren’t always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better.
Dark brown. I remember going to the beach with my mom and not wanting to shower afterwards because I thought it would wash off my dark brown. My aunt wouldn’t let my cousin ride a rocking horse that she was given as a gift because it was dark brown. When I was apartment hunting, I fell in love with my place because the hardwood floors are dark brown. My mom tells me stories of being treated differently from her brothers and sisters because they were- and still are- dark brown. For years, I would dye my hair jet black because I didn’t like my natural color, dark brown. There really isn’t a moral to this story or even a connection other than dark brown. Oh, and in case you were wondering, that’s me on the left; dark brown.
What he said: “I know you think you want to be with me, but I have a lot going on right now, so I just don’t want to even go there. I’m cool with just being friends.”
What she interpreted: “oh, so you want me to prove how much I love you and want to be with you? Cool. Challenge accepted! I’m going to do all the things I think you want me to do.”
What he meant: “I’m really just afraid to open up & be vulnerable because I don’t want to get hurt…again.”
And thus they went forth on their journey. Holding hands, walking the same path but going in opposite directions, until the moment their hands split. They were forced to stand face-to-face, totally disconnected and distant. Each asking the other, “why did you let go?” “No, I didn’t let go. You did.”
What he interprets: “See, I knew she couldn’t handle it. That’s why I didn’t get my feelings involved.”
What she interprets: “Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe there’s someone else. Maybe if I have sex with him or do some other thing I don’t really want to do, he’ll see I’m ‘ride or die’. Maybe he’s gay…Maybe….???”To be continued…for generations.